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So you thought the Terrible Twos were, well terrible? Wait until your toddler turns into a teenager and I guarantee you'll be looking back with fond nostalgia to the days when tears and tantrums could be silenced by an ice-cream and sulks lasted minutes instead of weeks or months.
But it's no fun being a teenager either sometimes so as a mother, and ex-high school teacher (now turned teen author) here's my guide for adults and teens.
Parents' Guide to Teenagers:
- If your daughter is buying sexy underwear, she's having sex. Sorry, but she is.
- If your son is buying condoms he is at least hoping to have sex.
- Teenagers don't want to see you dance.
- Teenagers assume you don't have sex so don't talk about it.
- If you want to embarrass any teenager ignore points 3 and 4 above.
Teenagers' Guide to Parents (and teachers too):
- If your parents still sleep together they're having sex. Sorry, but they are.
- Your parents are probably no more embarrassing than your friends' parents, it
just feels that way. - Your teachers talk about you in the staff room. It's not all good.
- That hot new student teacher doesn't fancy you.
- That's maybe what they're talking about in the staff room.
Still having trouble understanding your teenager/parents? Then communication is the key. However I've found the most important skill in effective communication is not knowing what to say but what definitely not to say. Here are some examples.
What Not to Say to Your Teenager
- "It's just puppy fat. Anyway you have a very nice face."
- "I don't like your new boyfriend."
- "I like your new boyfriend."
- "Of course I love you unconditionally but..."
- "Spots, blackheads and pimples don't matter. It's what's inside that counts."
What Not to Say to Your Parents
- "Mum, do you think you should have another glass of wine? It's not good for the
complexion you know." - "Of course you're not too old for that outfit, but maybe, um, it's a bit too young
for you." - "I bet you were really nice looking when you were young."
- "Well yes you have put a bit of weight on but at your age it hardly matters does
it." - "No, I haven't slept with my boyfriend. We were too busy having sex."
Hope all this helps. If not, we parents can console ourselves with alcohol, chocolates and the knowledge that one day our offspring will probably be tormented by teens of their own. As for teens, just remind your parents of that old adage "be nice to your kids as they get to choose your nursing home."
note: A version of this article by me was published in the Scottish "Daily Record" newspaper on 2nd July 2005.
Liz Rettig
Want to know more about this British humour/ romance author? Click http://www.lizrettig.com
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