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![]() Nicely Painted Ork Deff Deffkopta With Kustom Buzzsaw X2 (A) US $30.00
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![]() 3 Warhammer Ork Painted Figures US $6.50
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![]() 4 D&D 25mm miniatures: wizard, knight, foot soldier, and ork US $.99
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![]() Warhammer 40k 5 Orks Nobz OOP Metal. Blood Axes, Bad Moons US $18.00
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For those who are SICK of vampire questions - come up with funniest answer to 'I want to be a vampire'?
Hey,
I am both amused and really annoyed at the amount of people who believe in and want to be vampires! Ugh!
For those who are as sick of this as me, I wanted to give a chance to coming up with the funniest/most creative answer to tell any vampnut/twitard who asks how to become a vampire.
For instance:
In order to become a vampire you must first strip naked, then smear yourself in pink paint. Then cover this with honey and chicken feathers. Then go a to cemetery and scream 'zibble zobble zork, make me a vampire ork!!!' at the top of your lungs.
By dawn, you'll be a vampire.
Have fun, most creative answer gets 10 points!
Ah but the creation process of making a vampire must not be done without first deep thought and ponderings upon such questions as 'shall I be popular in school' and 'what are my chances of convincing my parents' These questions must be fully answered before the candidate progresses.
However for ye uninitiated I present to you the deeply held knowledge, passed down for three thousand years from the first of our clan.
Whenever ye have need of blood
and better it be when the Bank is full
ye shall go to some sacred online Site
and there ye shall assemble, ye who are fain to learn all Vampyre Mysteries
Yet have not yet managed to convince thy Guardians that ye are For Real
and there ye shall be taught things that are yet unknown.
And as a sign that ye are Truly Committed
Ye shall pay ye Sacred Fee
and Paypal shall be thine Pass into the darkest Hallows of
Ye Vampyre Forums
And as a sign that ye be Truly Accepted
Ye shall shout, talk about thyself and make Outrageous Claims
and ye shall be believed by all and feted and Admired
and ye shall be Certified a True Vampire (only $5 for the certificate)
or ye shall be Ye Olde Vampire ($10)
But wait, for there is another Path
but it must only be taken by those who be Truly Committed
Those who are ye True Believers
ye shall have access to the Inner Sanctum
and of Paypal ye shall speak in hushed tones
Ye shall Sign Up to Ye Vampyre Chronicles
there ye will be given a Clan and Special Powers
and invited to join the Family (renewable yearly)
and ye cost shall only be 100 of your United States Dollars
(and it be cheap at half ye price!)
And for this Fee ye shall be welcomed with Open Arms
and a reminder that now ye are one of the People of the Night
which is not the same as ye Lady of Ye Night (although we see where the misunderstanding could occur with Ye Gothic Dress)
and ye shall speak in relentless tones of ye Deep Mysterie
Of Vampyre and Clan and Family
But be warned ye who would take this path
that the wrath of Those Who Pay the Paypal Bill shall be Terrible in their Might
And they will come down like ye ton of masonry upon thy Vampiric head
and ye shall be Grounded for a Month
except now you be of the Undead
In which case ye be Grounded FOREVER Young Lady!
And Ye shall Sulk, Slam Doors, play Music Very Loud
and it be all in vain
For thy Guardian or Parent shall be Unmoved
and thy Father shall be Very Dissapointed
And Ye Brother shall find thee most Mirthfull
and shall take to following ye with Ye Stake of Wood
and ye shall kick him in ye Groin
and be Sent to Thy Dungeon except it be 'Your Bedroom Young Lady, which I might add needs cleaning NOW!'
So alas, read these instructions and know that the Path of the Vampyre is fraught with dangers
Keep thy Vampiric tendencies to Thyself until thy becomes an Adult
and can attend ye Queen of all Vampire meetings
Ye Sacred 'Convention'
where ye shall Roleplay-which-is-not-fancy dress Actually! to ye Hearts Content
and ye be yet Adult and may pay the Overpriced Attendance Fee with thine Own Money.
And these words may remain Sacred in their Meaning
And Hidden from Sight of Mere Mortals (especially brothers)
And one last part of the Mysterie Remains
For Ye Small Fee
Ye may apply to Me for I Hold the Secrets of Ye Vampiric Mysteries
I hold the Unholy Printer and Ye Word Processor
and For a Small Concession (say $200?) I shall find Ye Parchment
and Ye Ink
and Ye Shall have Thy Certificate of Authenticitie which shall be Charged With Ye Vampiric Energy
an it shall Call to All Local Vampires and People of the Dark Arts
and it shall say
BITE ME!
Whats On My YouTube Today?
vlog #110 - Painted Orks
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