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I started going to the gym when I was forty. I did it then for the same reason a lot of baby boomers do what they do. It was popular. I didn't want to look or feel a minute older than necessary either. I worked out religiously and I'm proud to say I still follow a regular exercise routine. My motivation has changed over the years. As recently as a year ago I would have told you I was doing weight training and aerobics to give me a fighting chance once old age set in; in another thirty or forty years. (Remember, I'm a baby boomer.) It was only recently that I realized how much I needed substantially more muscle right now.
No, I didn't suddenly take a job in construction. I actually worked construction for five hours once in Florida to pay off losses from a poker game the night before. I've never lifted a bag of concrete or played a hand of poker since.
I discovered I wasn't nearly strong enough when I tried to open a package. You would think a package of cheese sticks was a snap. Not so. I managed to wrestle the plastic package into submission and extract the cheese but I had to resort to using a pair of scissors to ensure victory. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to eat it right away. I needed to wait until my heart rate got below 150. The supplemental oxygen was a big help. Then on a flight from Orlando I had to endure a very embarrassing moment when the flight attendant handed me a package of peanuts. I could see the attractive young lady next to me stifling a laugh as I went three rounds with that little package. Since you're not allowed to carry scissors in flight anymore, I had to rely on my incisors to break free the eight peanuts.
I know we live in a world now where there are scary people with real and imagined grievances who wouldn't hesitate to poison food and drink to get even with the world, make a point about global warming or just get on the news. It's hard to imagine a time when candy like red licorice, red hots or watermelon slices were sold loose. The candy sat behind a glass counter, no packaging required. The lady behind the counter grabbed each piece with her bare hand and dropped it into in your outstretched hand with a knowing smile.
Today, that lady would be wearing gloves and probably would have a blow torch handy to open the box the candy came in. Packaging of consumer products, from lettuce to lycopene, has never been the same since seven people in the Chicago area died after ingesting Extra Strength Tylenol medicine capsules laced with potassium cyanide.
Secure packaging certainly makes sense if we're talking about something we intend to swallow. However, it doesn't explain why we need the equivalent of a jack hammer to extricate a toy or an electronic device from its package. Recently, I bought a recorder to help me remember ideas for my next column. As it turned out the package it came in gave me one. Even wire cutters are no match for a hard plastic clamshell container, with its fused seams. Maybe we should use the same material for the fence being built to protect our borders.
According to an article in the Washington Post, retailers say the heat-sealed edges keep shoppers from opening them in stores. I suppose that explains why a one inch by three inch product is wrapped in a hermetically sealed package the size of a dishwasher. Actually, the packages are large to discourage people from stealing them. I can't believe retailers are really worried. Criminals have been known to turn themselves in rather than deal with the cuts and bruises they get trying to pry the merchandise loose.
One of my favorite examples of over packaging is the CD. By the time you make it through the outer plastic wrap, and through the impossible to peel sticky tape, expertly glued on three sides of the plastic container, your favorite artist's new release isn't so new. The last time I had a stress test I suggested to my doctor that instead of the treadmill, he could substitute a matchup with a couple of unwrapped CDs. Think of it as sweating to the oldies.
I could go on about this but I have to get to the gym. My personal trainer is waiting.
Whats On My YouTube Today?
Shrink- wrapped: Wyle, Wright, Kaples, following white noise with Carlee and Cassy '03 approx
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